How to Fart while riding.

I’m sure I’m not the only one that cuts the cheese while I ride. But if you’re not careful, you might just end up sharting in your shorts.

This actually reminds me of the time that I sharted at a Christmas party. My nephew was laying on the couch playing his portable game thing like a PSP. So I when felt the need to fart, I decided to run to him and on his chest with all my weight (feet up in the air) and let one rip! It was all fun and giggles up until I SHARTED! Yep, I let one go, and BOOM! Poop came out! Out of my panic, I got up and ran to the restroom. I inspected the damage, but the poop had permeated through the underwear. I was left with no choice but to ditch the undies in the trash….

But I digress. When you ride, its actually fun to let one rip right in front of your friends. Unfortunately the padding in your shorts won’t really allow that stench to travel as fast as you’d think. If anything your shorts will just muffle the sound and absorb the odor. Like I mentioned above, if you’re not careful, you may shart. But there’s ways to prevent sharting. For one, don’t push as hard as you can when you want to fart. That’s when you’ll run into trouble. All that extra “effort” you are putting out will yield a good chunk of poop coming out.

So the trick to farting on your bike is this…get your imaginations out because you’ll need to draw a mental picture. Let’s say you’re sitting on your saddle and need to rip one. Gently lift up one side of your buttocks while leaving the other side still on. You’re basically going to use your saddle to separate your butt cheeks. It’s basically the same principle if you were to lift one leg up to fart.

The wider you split your cheeks, the quieter and less effort it is…thus no sharting! You can pretty much do this anywhere. Try it at home, work, when you’re driving and at your kid’s little league games. It truly works, and if I had used this technique when I sat on my nephew, I may have been able to keep my old undies. Fart on!